I guess it doesn’t matter what I think. What I feel. What I do. Because I’m just a kid right? I haven’t spent the last thirteen years of my life wondering, waiting, for something to change right? When I am away at college, it’s easy to ignore everything that goes on at home. The fights, the silent tears shattering the silence of the house in the night, the rage turned to holes in the walls. It’s so easy, but I still worry about it. I wonder how much damage you both did in your latest verbal spat. I wonder how my siblings are doing, how they’re taking the endless oppression of having two parents who only seem to care about themselves and how they’re feeling. And it sucks because every night, when I’m laying awake with these thoughts clouding my head, I realize that there’s nothing I can do about it.
It’s never too late to take all that you are and mold yourself into something completely different.
Love is passion. Love is kind. It comes unexpectedly, sometimes at the worst possible moments. But each time it does, you know that you’re one step closer to finding the right one. You know that even though it hurts enough to make it hard to breathe to let this particular person go, you will find someone else.
There are over seven billion people in the world. So that leaves you with over six billion other chances of falling in love.
When Adelina’s alarm goes off at five in the morning, her hand darts out from beneath the quilt. A hiss slips past her lips. The air bites, sharp and cold, as she fumbles around for the alarm clock. It’s like this every single morning. A struggle to turn off the offending object before her little brother wakes up too. It’s bad enough that she is forcing herself up at this time of morning. Why should he have to suffer too?
It’s hard. Longing for something that you have never had before. Longing for something that, somehow or another, always comes into your life at the worst of times. You’re too busy with school to worry about love. They’re gay. They’re already in a relationship.
You’re never the right girl and sometimes, it’s okay. Because you tell yourself that you don’t need a man to feel like a woman. Because you’re sure that you’d be shit at relationships anyway. Because you’re secretly glad that the opportunity to prove yourself right hasn’t come along.
But other times, when everything is right except for the one thing that isn’t, well then it just sucks. Mostly because you know that if the circumstances were different, if you were allowed to be together, that you would both be happy. He’s everything you want. A kind heart, awkward to the point of being insanely adorable, and it doesn’t hurt that you’re physically attracted to him either. Of course none of that matters. He’s undeniably, irrevocably, off limits.
It’s worst still when you get a little glimpse of what it could be like. You’re both drunk at a party and no matter how many times you’ve told yourself it’s not okay, you end up snuggled into his side. You’ll feel guilty for it later. God will you feel guilty. But when the world has narrowed to every blessed point of contact between you, you don’t care that he’s younger than you and you don’t care that he’s already involved with someone. All that matters is soaking up every. single. second.
It’s the moments, the hours, the days, of clarity that accompany the sobriety that are the most difficult. You had that taste of love only to have it wrenched away from you. You feel like the worst sort of person in the world because you want it back. You want it back so badly that it’s all that you can think of. Even when you know you can’t. There are too many obstacles and too little time to overcome them.
It is hard, but you’ve dealt with heartbreak before. And you’ll deal with it again and again until the timing is right. Until you’re exactly the right girl.
A/N: I will slowly back away now.